Lily Archer: The Myth that Won't Go Away

I would like to present Lily Archer, author of The Poison Apples. She has taken the timeless literary tradition of the wicked stepmother to a whole new level. This is her theory of wicked stepmothers, truth and myth.

The Myth That Won’t Go Away

“Better a serpent than a stepmother!”—Euripides 

Stepmothers have a bad rap. They’ve been doing their stepchildren harm in folktales and myths starting all the way back in Ancient Greece (it was Hercules’s stepmother Hera who intentionally drove him to madness, after all). And this reputation is worldwide. The wicked stepmother shows up in Russian fairytales and Indian folktales. She shows up in Shakespeare. She shows up in almost all of my favorite Disney movies. So the non-wicked stepmother out there who actually does love her stepchildren is, at some point, going to wonder: aren’t there any famous good stepmothers?

 Well, no. And what’s more interesting to me than the unfairness of it all (and it is unfair, you can’t argue with that) is why the Wicked Stepmother has been so present in storytelling for thousands of years. Ever since stepmothers have existed, people have been telling stories about how wicked they are.

 There are a lot of theories: a common one is plain and simple misogyny. Women in power scare people: a stepmother is a woman who is not your mother who has power: hence she is scary. This is troubling. It is really, really weird that the wicked stepfather doesn’t show up as frequently in fairytales and movies as the wicked stepmother. This makes me sad, especially because I’m part of this trend myself. And I actually really love reading about wicked stepfathers. If I ever write a sequel to The Poison Apples, it will definitely involve wicked stepfathers.

 But we’re still faced with the bigger question: why do we love reading (and writing) about wicked stepparents at all? Why doesn’t it get boring? From whence came this endless appetite for stories about the mistreatment of children by their non-biological parents?

 A psychologist could probably provide a well-researched, valid explanation. But here goes my totally-uninformed-based-only-on-personal-experience explanation:

 The worst thing about being a kid is the total lack of control. There are people in charge of you, and they decide what you do every day and when you go to bed and what you eat and they can punish you or reward you howsoever they please. If the people in charge of you happen to be nice and sane, being a kid can be pretty fun. Everything Is Taken Care Of, after all. But if one or more of the people in charge of you turns out to be mean or crazy (or both), childhood—as the great Matt Groening would say—is Hell.

 For most people, it’s probably somewhat of a mixed bag—sometimes you feel safe and awesome and free, and sometimes you’re miserable. Me personally? I wake up every morning and thank my lucky stars that I’m not still eleven. 

 Where am I going with this? Okay. I think the idea of the Wicked Stepparent—this stranger who enters your life and suddenly has control over your destiny—is this weird embodiment of exactly what’s so hard about being a kid. Even if you didn’t have a stepparent growing up, there were moments—terrible, fleeting moments—when you felt abandoned and unloved by your parents, and yet still under their control. So the Wicked Stepmother represents your mother during her worst moments, and the Wicked Stepfather represents your father during his worst moments. The myth reminds us of all the times when we wondered: What if my mother doesn’t actually love me? What if she secretly hates me?

 Also, all this symbolism aside, there really do seem to be a lot of horrible stepparents out there. I mean, I’ve met a lot of them. Are they bad people? Who knows. Are they doing a bad job step-parenting? Definitely.

 So I’m not going to fight the myth. Because most of the time, being a kid is scary as hell. So if reading and hearing stories about wicked stepparents make kids feel a little less freaked-out and alone in the world, it’s worth it. And to the good stepparents who feel unfairly maligned? Count yourself lucky. You get to be a grownup. You never have to be eleven again.

 

 

 

Comments

[Annie-- AKA, the real cinderella!]

I hear ya! And I cannot wait to be older so I don't have to wake up to my step mother anymore!

[James Preller]

Wow, big topic. I have to confess that I'm very sensitive -- too sensitive? --when it comes to stepmothers, since I'm married to one, witness what she does on a daily basis (all those motherly acts, from making lunches to correcting homework), and love her with all my heart.

To be a stepmother in today's society is an extremely difficult and often thankless task. You do the work of a "real" mother, but get far less respect in the world -- and sometimes in the home. A first-grade teacher will have the class make Mother's Day cards. The real mom gets one, and the stepmom is ignored. And certainly not valued. At least, that's what is assumed and taught in schools, so we have to work very hard to overcome the thousand subtle slights my wife receives.

Society has changed dramatically. Divorce is a fact. Blended families are everywhere. Yet when it comes to stepparents, we are hopelessly outdated in our thinking.

Anyway, I'll jump off the soapbox. But that's my honest, initial reaction to "evil" stepmothers. Which doesn't mean your book is bad or wrong or inspired or great. It's absolutely valid and potentially wildly entertaining (confession: haven't read it). There are wicked stepmothers, just as there are wicked mothers and fathers. But personally, I'm more drawn to the other (scarcer) message, the positive stepmother in a world that is often hostile and unappreciative.

Respectfully,

James Preller

[Itzel]

Step moms suck.. and dads end up jerks cause they stay with them.. there is times when the dad should stay with her.. but theres a line to draw when the step mom is a drug addict, who stole your daughter's pain pills after your daughter just had surgery.. theres a line to draw when the step mom steals your daughter's clothes and treats your family like crap!